Big Boys Don't Cry
by hanabananana
Summary: Five times Blaine didn't cry and the one time he couldn't stop. Blangst


**Warnings:** Gay bashing, homophobia.

* * *

Blaine was never a crier.

His father had ingrained it in him since before he could even remember that_boys don't cry_. Crying shows weakness, crying is for girls. Babies cry, but not Anderson boys. As a young, impressionable boy, Blaine had looked up to his father. He wanted nothing more than his approval, his dad _was _a superhero after all.

He was nine. Climbing trees was probably _the _coolest thing he could be doing, even if it was just with his brother in the park.

"Hey, be careful up there, Squirt," Cooper said distractedly from below, his focus more in tune with the pretty blonde girl walking her puppy. Blaine paid him no attention anyway, climbing higher. He had conquered near enough every tree in the park and this one was by far the tallest. If he could just make it to the top then he'll have boasting rights to last him a whole year at school!

The problem with this tree, though, was that the branches got thinner and thinner the higher he got to the top. It was difficult to keep his footing and he'd occasionally slip on a particularly thin branch.

He looked down. Cooper was tiny from this height. Blaine smiled to himself, enjoying the thought of his older brother being small enough to squish like an ant.

The view was impressive too. He could see the entire park and beyond but that wasn't what he was climbing for. No, he needed to get to the top.

He reached up, fingertips just about grazing the closest branch above him but it was too high up for him to grab, even on tip toes. Blaine bit his lip, the only way was to jump and it wasn't as though it was _that_ far away. There's no way he'd miss. Deciding he had no other option, Blaine bounced a little on the branch holding him. It was fairly strong, carrying his weight easily.

Steadying himself against the trunk, Blaine stopped thinking and leapt, easily catching the branch. The problem was that he failed to estimate the strength of the branch he would be transferring his weight to.

With a sudden snap, Blaine was falling, branches clawing at his bare arms and legs as he plummeted to the hard floor below.

He hit the ground with a sickening snap and all of the air left him in an instant. Feeling his entire body go cold, he began to shiver, shaking from the intensely unbearable pain that was shooting up his arm. He didn't look, he daren't move. As slowly as he could possibly manage and without jostling his arm, Blaine managed to sit up, clutching tentatively at his arm.

"Coop?" he mostly whispered, searching frantically for his older brother but he was nowhere to be found. "Cooper!" he called a little louder and sighed in relief when his brother came into view, smiling at a piece of paper he held in his hand.

"What?" he mumbled without so much as looking at Blaine.

"Can you get mom?" he asked as calmly as he could manage despite the way his entire body shivered. It was the middle of summer, Ohio was experiencing a heat wave, why was he shivering?

"What for?" Cooper asked with a huff of annoyance, finally looking at Blaine on the ground, pausing as soon he took in his brother's pale face, wide eyes and trembling form.

"I hurt my arm," Blaine stated. Cooper was beside him in an instant,

"How bad is it?" he asked, prying Blaine's fingers away from his injured arm, getting his answer the moment he did so. "Oh my God," he groaned, sounding like he was about to throw up.

"You left him _alone?_ Cooper Patrick Anderson, I asked you to _watch _him while I was on the phone, okay, I gave you one job!" Blaine's mother exploded once Cooper had retrieved her. "Blaine, honey, are you doing okay?" she asked worriedly, turning her attention to Blaine and stooping down to his level on the floor. Blaine nodded a little shakily. "You're not gonna cry?" she asked, expecting him to start bawling any second but Blaine's eyes remained dry. "But it hurts, right?" A nod. "Come on, let's get you to the hospital."

In the end Blaine got a cool red cast that everyone at school signed as well as the bragging rights. After all, he did fall out of the highest tree in the park and lived to tell the tale.

* * *

There was yelling. Blaine could hear it from his bedroom despite the fact that his parents were in the kitchen downstairs. He huddled up under his covers, trying to block out the shrill voice of his mother talking over his father's booming shouts, creating a cacophony of noise and tension. Blaine flinched as he heard the sound of a fist slamming a table from downstairs, indicating that his dad was seriously losing his temper. The walls shook with the sudden explosion, his framed photo of a polo horse falling askew.

His mother screamed back louder. Blaine could almost picture her clenching her fist and standing on tip toes to get in her husband's face which was a scary thought since he'd never known his mother to be this angry. He could just about make out what they were saying. He caught bits and pieces of sentences that gave him an idea of what they were so publically discussing that probably every house on the street now knew.

Of course it was him. They were arguing because of him. His parents who_rarely _fought over anything more than who had left the tap running.

All because he was gay.

What if they got a divorce? What if Blaine was the one to blame for splitting his family in half? He wondered if Cooper would ever forgive him.

Cooper. Blaine gulped at the thought of coming out to him too. It had been hard enough to tell his parents and their reaction so far hadn't exactly been ideal. How was he supposed to tell his older brother whom he hadn't even seen in over a year? He just wanted his brother, the one who had taught him to ride his bicycle, not the distant guy who was more invested in his college friends now. The old Cooper would have been there for him.

Blaine shivered, wrapping his comforter tightly around his body though it did nothing to ease his tremors. He was fourteen, how was he supposed to know how to deal with this? He wanted to scream. Go downstairs and yell at them to just stop but he highly doubted it would do any good. His father would probably just get angrier so there was no way Blaine was stepping foot outside his room until he was certain he had calmed down.

But would he ever? Would he be able to accept a gay son?

Blaine was so close to just tearing his hair out. He loved his father, and thought he loved him in return. Why was he doing this? Why was he so angry over it? The most prominent question running through Blaine's head was just simply:_Why?_

Why everything?

"_I did NOT raise a fag!"_ an angry voice bellowed. Blaine froze. His trembling limbs stilled and were filled only with numbness now as he felt his heart drop clean out of his chest.

He wiped at his dry eyes, almost wishing he could cry but knowing it would be one more reason for his dad to hate him.

* * *

In all honesty, it had been a perfect night. He'd danced with Simon, his date for the night, with hopes that maybe they could one day develop into something more than friends. He was the only other gay guy that he knew, the only other out kid at his school and to be honest, he made Blaine feel like maybe everything _would _be okay.

They had danced, they had laughed. Blaine had leant on his shoulder, loving how firm and warm it was, never wanting to leave. It was perfect.

They had tried to attract as little attention to themselves as possible but how could they say no to a dance? It was what they came for after all. So they danced.

And Simon was just the perfect gentleman. He'd done everything in his power to make Blaine feel at ease all night. When Blaine shrunk under the jeering glares of some of the jocks, cheeks reddening with embarrassment, he'd silently moved them both to the other side of the gymnasium. He didn't say a word, didn't chastise Blaine, telling him he had nothing to be embarrassed about, since Blaine already knew this. He just needed a while to get used to it. He had _just _come out after all. Simon had been open about his sexuality for as long as Blaine could remember, in fact, Blaine knew he was gay before he had actually met him. Simon was accustomed to the looks and the whispers, he'd dealt with it all a thousand times before, so when he secured his hands on Blaine's waist, it was his way of silently telling him it was okay. It was just some looks and some whispers between people he barely even knew. Everything would be fine.

Blaine was naive enough to let himself believe this as he relaxed into the other boy's touch. They both were.

Outside, Simon's dad was late. The dance had long ago ended despite the fact that they had planned on leaving a little early so as not to attract attention. As they waited in the chilly parking lot, no car came to pick them up.

"Well well well," an unkind voice said with a tut, "looks like we've got ourselves a couple of fags to take care of." Blaine flinched at the slur, trying not to remember the way he'd heard his dad use it to refer to Blaine when he thought he wasn't listening.

He looked up at the approaching boys. There were four altogether, he vaguely recognised the faces but he didn't know any of them by name as they were all Juniors like Simon.

"Come on," Simon muttered, "Let's go wait by the front of the school," he suggested, taking Blaine's hand as he made to lead him away from the boys.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" one of them called, yanking Simon away from Blaine as the other three crowded around them. Blaine found himself trapped, his heart pounded as he tried to convince himself that they wouldn't actually do anything.

_There are too many people around, _Blaine tried to tell himself frantically, however, after taking a quick look around the parking lot, he realised with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that they were alone.

"You think you can just come to the school dance and act like _that_? Who do you think you are? You're sick, that's what you are," the boy who seemed to be leading the group spat.

"Leave us alone, Ben. Just ignore them," Simon said, trying to push past the wall of boys.

"Don't you dare walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Ben said. He grabbed Blaine firmly by the throat, tearing him away from Simon. Blaine yelped but his voice was constricted. With a panic, he began to realise that he couldn't actually breathe as he clawed at Ben's hand. "And stop telling your little buttfucker what to do, maybe he wants to stay and play."

Simon surged forward in an attempt to help Blaine but was stopped by two of the other boys who then proceeded to kick him to the floor.

"You see that?" Ben growled, nodding in Simon's direction, face inches away from Blaine's as he gasped for air. "That's what happens to queers like _you_."

Ben tossed him to the floor and Blaine landed in a heap, inhaling so fast his head spun. In fact, the whole parking lot was spinning. Before he even managed to catch his breath, what felt like a cannonball was thrust into Blaine's stomach, forcing all of the air out of him once again. He couldn't breathe, everything was blurry. He coughed and sputtered as he was kicked again and again. His face was pressed heavily into the gravel and he could feel every stone as it dug into him, scratching and tearing his skin.

He begged for them to stop, he yelled for help only for them to kick and punch harder.

He looked up, searching desperately for Simon only for a foot to press his head back into the stones piercing his face. He managed to catch a glimpse of Simon and focused all of his attention on the older boy. Once he could see him, he could hear him too, screaming like Blaine had been, begging for them to stop, sobbing as they broke him in every possible way.

Blaine wanted to be near him, he needed contact, he wanted to cry to but he couldn't. There were simply no tears for him to shed despite the excruciating pain tearing through his entire body.

It hurt so much that Blaine wasn't even aware they had stopped. His whole body was alight with torture, ribs on fire and lungs burning with the need for oxygen as he slowly managed to catch his breath.

Simon was still sobbing. His wretched wailing the only sound left in the car park when his dad found them not long after, finally there to pick them up from the dance.

Blaine never saw Simon again.

* * *

For a long time, Blaine didn't talk to anyone. It took an extended stay at the hospital, several therapy sessions to make him comfortable going outside again and a repeat of his freshman year before things started to get better.

He found comfort in the blazer. He'd never had to wear a school uniform before and if he was honest, the security of that alone was enough to make him finally able to relax. Dalton was a great school, he wouldn't face the same troubles there, not at all. But the blazer offered a different kind of security rather than a zero tolerance policy. The blazer allowed him to blend in. It meant he could go unnoticed in a sea full of boys dressed identical to him. No one noticed him.

No one except the warblers that was. But that was okay, because he could still pretend. He could pretend he was okay, he could pretend he had the confidence that had been damaged almost beyond repair since that night.

And he liked it. Being someone else was just so…easy. He never thought it could be so effortless.

But his insecurities still plagued him every night. There was no escaping himself when he was the only person in the world who truly knew who that was.

Until there came another boy who got to know him. The real him. The him that was locked away, hidden behind the red trimmed blazer, begging for someone to notice.

Kurt.

Of course Blaine had been scared at first. He kept himself guarded simply because he knew that if he let Kurt in, then he really would let him in, let him see _all_ he had to offer, the good and the bad, and that above everything scared him the most.

So he kept himself guarded. He sought companionship - love, perhaps - elsewhere. The guy from The Gap was nice enough, someone he could care for on the surface without having to delve too far. And once Blaine set his mind to something, he threw himself in wholeheartedly. He had always been an all or nothing kind of guy. As it turned out, they were not meant to be.

Then there had been Rachel. And why not? Maybe the only way to fix everything that had gone wrong was to change himself.

Needless to say that didn't last long.

Then there was Kurt. Again. Finally. It might have taken him a while to get there but it was a journey he needed to take. To distinguish the real difference between Blaine Warbler and Blaine Anderson and decide which one he really wanted to be in the long run.

And Kurt ended up being everything.

Blaine couldn't remember a time when he felt so comfortable around another person. Laid so incredibly bare but without the urgent need to cover himself up immediately. Kurt was tender and careful and kind and perfect for him in every way.

The term _soulmate _crossed his mind more than once.

So even the thought of losing Kurt was enough to make him feel like someone had put his heart in a vice, clamping it down until he could barely move.

When the thought of losing Kurt started to feel like a reality, Blaine felt like his heart had been ripped out entirely.

"Who's Chandler?" he asked from Kurt's bed, feeling numb as the texts from the stranger addressed to Kurt began to really sink in.

"Why are you going through my phone?" Kurt retaliated, suddenly defensive.

"I'm not going through your phone it's just that it keeps buzzing because Chandler won't stop texting you." Blaine's voice wavered. He felt a lump in his throat as he desperately tried to keep a sob at bay. But he did not cry.

Even after they argued, he shed no tears. His eyes reddened and his voice cracked and a whimper escaped his throat more than once over the course of the next week but he did not cry.

He honestly felt close when Kurt had sung _I Have Nothing_ just through sheer emotion overload. His beautiful boyfriend was singing this song dedicated to him but he was still hurt and conflicted and angry and _scared_.

He had sniffled and rubbed at his eyes raw but no tears fell.

In the end, some meaningless texts weren't enough to truly separate them. Really, there was no need to cry anyway.

* * *

Blaine hated himself. He hated himself with every fibre of his being.

Kurt – _his _Kurt _– _couldn't even look him in the eye. All because of some stupid hook up that meant nothing to him.

"I don't trust you anymore," he said solemnly. Blaine's heart was in his throat. It felt like it was trying to claw its way out, perhaps trying to reach for Kurt where it belonged. But Kurt was walking away, joining Rachel at the end of the hallway.

He had lost Kurt's affection, his love, and now, most importantly, his trust. And it_hurt._ It was probably the worst he has ever hurt in his entire life and that was a high bar to measure up to. He felt himself begin to panic as Kurt turned the corner and was suddenly gone from sight. Instinctively, Blaine ran to catch up, seeing Kurt's slumped shoulders and the way Rachel grasped his hand tightly. He wanted to call out, beg him not to leave but no words came. His throat was dry, his heart pounding. Kurt was leaving, maybe for the final time.

_No, _Blaine mouthed, watching as they climbed into Rachel's car. What had he done? He and Kurt were broken, possibly irreparably so, and it was all his fault.

Except it wasn't. Kurt had played a part in all of this even if Blaine felt so disgustingly guilty for thinking it.

Kurt had ignored his calls and forgotten to call back, forgot to return texts, forgotten _Blaine._

It was no excuse for what Blaine did, of course, but he just needed Kurt to understand. He needed him, more than he needed air and water. Kurt was his oxygen and without him, Blaine was suffocating. He'd forgotten what being alone was like.

Rachel's car disappeared out of sight, Kurt purposefully not looking out of the window as they drove by. Blaine gulped, hands trembling in sheer sorrow, before slowly making his way back inside.

He slumped against a row of lockers, hanging his head in his hands. Dropping to the ground, Blaine wailed, despairing and ugly. He groaned and whined, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes.

What was wrong with him? He couldn't even shed one tear after his soulmate walked out of his life.

* * *

**New York City: 2015 **

They _are_ soulmates. Of course they are. It's obvious to everyone around them. Though many people had called Blaine naive in high school for referring to themselves as such, here they are, still together after enduring what would tear most couples apart. They've made it. Blaine has made it. He's in New York, living with Kurt, living out his _dream _while he studies theatre at Tisch.

They had hit a few speedbumps, encountered dead ends and forks in the road but they had managed to find their way back to eachother. They smoothed out all of the creases in their relationship. They talked and more importantly they_listened _to one another.

Kurt had vowed to never put Blaine second, to never assume everything is fine, to not take his boyfriend for granted. Blaine had promised to stop pretending he was okay when he wasn't, and to never _ever _cheat, no matter how bad things get.

They had worked through the rest of Blaine's senior year, making sure they made time for each other, and once Blaine moved to New York, everything was easy again. They fell back into their old habits, they became _them _again.

Kurt hasn't stopped smiling all night. They're eating out at L'Olivo, a high class Italian Restaurant, though, of course, it's no Breadstix; the food here actually has flavour.

Kurt's smile is infectious and Blaine finds himself grinning stupidly to match. He racks his brain, trying to think if he's missed some special occasion but comes up with nothing. He has all of their anniversaries and significant dates marked neatly in his planner, he never misses a thing.

Kurt must simply be in an exceptionally good mood.

"I really love you," Blaine hums quietly. They are close enough, intimate enough for Kurt to be able to understand every ounce of feeling Blaine puts behind the words.

Kurt's eyes soften, his smile growing, if possible, and he blushes into his dinner.

"Okay, I was going to do this during dessert but I don't think I can hold it in any longer. My jaw actually aches from siling so much!" he says with a laugh. Blaine narrows his eyes, a curious grin still placed on his lips. _Do what during dessert?_

"Blaine Anderson," Kurt starts, pulling a box out of his pocket and Blaine's heart stops at the sight. He can't be. Except he was.

"Oh my god," Blaine exclaims, clamping both hands over his mouth as he feels his heart swell.

"Marry me?" Kurt almost looks tentative, as if he actually fears Blaine could say no. Blaine wants to laugh at such a thought except Kurt is sitting there looking so vulnerable and in love and he just wants to reach across the table and kiss him and never stop.

But he can't seem to pull his hands away from his mouth. He's frozen.

Kurt's proposing

Like, actually proposing. They're going to get married.

Blaine sobs, chest heaving as he nods shakily and Kurt breaths a huge sigh of relief before smiling in ecstasy. Blaine can't stop sobbing, his whole body shaking every time he sees the ring. He can't remember feeling this happy.

His hands are damp, still pressed against his face. He whimpers again as he feels the tears streaming down his cheeks, a feeling he's not accustomed to.

"Blaine," Kurt coos, reaching over and securing his hand on Blaine's arm, stroking comfortingly. "Baby, please stop crying!" Kurt begs, voice shaking as his own eyes begin to redden. "You'll make me start!"

Blaine squeezes his eyes shut, trying to calm himself but he can just feel another wave of tears building. He pulls his hands away from his mouth to take Kurt's hand in his own, sniffling loudly and taking a huge wobbly breath. He laughs despite the fact that he probably looks a mess now.

"Sorry," he says, voice wavering, "I just, wow. Kurt - I - wow. Of course! Of course I'll marry you!" Blaine exclaims, crying and laughing at the same time.

"I can't believe this. I've never seen you cry before!" Kurt says with amusement.

"I don't…I've never…" Blaine attempts but he's still too shaken to form coherent sentences. Kurt smiles as he slips the ring onto Blaine finger.

They're engaged.

And for the first time in his life, Blaine can't seem to stop crying.


End file.
